well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
