Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My cat gives me a boner
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
