i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
