I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize