yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
