your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
