break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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