Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want to be your penis for a week.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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