he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
