I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
