Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize