tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude i'm inner monologue high
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
