i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
