I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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