bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
bring money and cleavage
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
