and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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