Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
