if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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