I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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