The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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