My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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