I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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