The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
