I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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