using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
