Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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