I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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