I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize