Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
