I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize