Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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