If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is it penis luge time yet?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
