is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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