I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize