dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
