Whatcha textin bout Willis?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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