Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
