Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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