His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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