what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
