I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
