I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize