the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
