I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
