i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
