one word: firstdatebathroomanal
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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