If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize