i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
even my farts smell like vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
