bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
