Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
