and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
