Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
