people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
