if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
