it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
