How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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