Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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