I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
