Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
