I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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