ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Couch. On fire.
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
