I wannas sexs uuuuu
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
