Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
