so explain again why im purple
no
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
