i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
