meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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