my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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