he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
