This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
