and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
