Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
