just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
