how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize