this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
