I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
